aliveness waits...

aliveness waits...

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitable earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)   e.e. cummings

I have had the flu for three weeks: sore muscles, fever, cough, etc. Like an intruder, this lifeless existence followed me to kitchen, desk, and living room – everywhere. I felt no joy, aliveness, or spirit. Certainly nothing e.e. cummings was writing about. Various experiences in my life – loss, failure, periods of bad days, negative thinking patterns, and grief have intruded for much longer periods.

Last week the flu left.  The feeling of aliveness, vitality, and the magic in the ordinary were waiting.  The difference of feeling between the two states shocked me. Gratitude flooded in. For two or three days I kept repeating, “I who was dead am alive again today, it is the sun’s birthday, the birthday of life, love, and wings.”

I know the body wants to heal itself. Something breathed this aliveness into my grey existence. I also know something beats my heart, I cannot do that. Something breaths me, I can’t hold my breath for long. Some great love, some great lover, and an essential natural self always waits and always beats.

*photo source: fotolia.com