I want "that feeling..."

"The feeling is the prayer."  A Tibetan Monk *

I love the feeling of well-being, of that great expansiveness when I dive into the velvet ocean of my natural self, my authentic self.  The feeling of love, of glow, of the magenta sunset on my evening walk or when I stepped out into the eerie light of the rainbow over the mesquite tree several weeks ago. I want "that feeling."

Yet, I wake into an ordinary day. My mind flits through it's activities: breakfast, meditation, walk, library and possibly a visit with a neighbor. There seems to be two of me. One "me" feels ordinary, not down, not up, just ordinary.  The other "me" breathes a different air of beauty, joyful purpose, and such a fun aliveness. I want "that feeling." I wait. I don't have it.

Yet, I do not have to meditate in a isolated mountain hut as I know presence/love has many faces waiting for me in any moment. I also know I too often run interference. In order to stay resonating, I have to listen with my ear to the ground for those hoof beats coming down the track. Feelings have frequency. Love, beauty and presence have a vibration as does carelessness. Too much snacking, "too much" whatever can knock me out of "that feeling." "Goofing off" my daily well-being disciplines, leaking consciousness is like playing a beautiful song off key and it's rarely any fun.

Yet in spite of my misses the great beating heart is never deterred. The soul-sun always outshines the cloud no matter what we do or do not do. So (at the end of the day or in the middle) I might ask, "Where did I have "that feeling"? How do I need to position myself to catch this vibration? What helps me love easier?" Every religion points to it as does every tree, every beloved, every Jesus, every Buddha, every Lao-tzu; as does the flower pot on the window sill and the golden finch looking in on me right now from the mesquite tree. That's the feeling and it is the prayer.

photo source: taken off my deck
* Book by Gregg Braden, Secrets of the Lost Mode of Prayer: The Hidden Power of Beauty, Blessings, Wisdom and Hurt